Sometime I wish I had an addictive personality so that I could cope better with stress. But, on the other hand, I'm glad that I can use my own strength to get through some tough situations.

My favorite aunt died today.

She was coming to visit Labor Day weekend.

Out of all of my extended family, she's the only person I truly cared for. My other aunts always thought I was too outspoken - children should be seen and not heard. I was the "Yankee". I spoke properly. They hated me. They judged me. They made rude comments behind my back. They ignored me when I was around.

Aunt Annie was the only one who stuck up for me. She was the only one of them all who loved me for all of me. She never judged me. She always wanted to know how I was doing - how was school, how were the students, how are the cats (she called Gadget, "Mooshie"). She would tell me about how she was doing and of course tell me the same stories over and over.

I’ve never lost anyone so close to me and it’s absolutely devastating to think that I’ll never see her again. I’ll never be able to sit in her lap (yes, even at 28) and kiss her up. I’ll never get to hear her complain that she can’t breathe under my weight (but she loved every minute of it). She’ll never smack my hip and tell me what big hips I have (I felt like a prized cow but the twinkle in her eye made it all the better). I’ll never be able to answer her phone call with a formal “Hellooo, Aunt Annette.” And hear her respond “Hellooo, Niece Sabrina.” My time with her was limited because of the sheer distance between us but I always felt like I wasn’t forgotten.

Everyone who met Aunt Annie loved her – everyone except for her sisters, unfortunately. My mom was the only one who stuck by her through everything. My friends loved her, my ex-husband loved her, even my hair stylist, Paris, asks for her every time I see him. The guy who washes my hair tells me every time I’m there that she loved him so much she wanted to pack him up in her suitcase. She was personable and fun.

So now, I get to the beautiful island of St. Croix in the United States Virgin Islands. It seems as if I only get to go home for funerals. Am I going to get to enjoy the gorgeous weather and beautiful beaches? Definitely. That’s what Aunt Annie would have pushed me to do if I had come to visit at any other time. But once again, it will be bittersweet. An amazing person has disappeared from my corporeal life today but she will always be with me, residing in my heart and soul.

Even though I wish that alcohol and cigarettes could make it all better, I guess I’ll stick with water, Excedrin and B Vitamins for now.